Neither Here Nor There

Sometime during the summer of 2010, I started feeling lightheaded when I would stand up.  I told my doctor that when I stood up, I felt like all the blood in my body rushed to my head and I heard a "whooshing" in my ears and felt like I was going to pass out.  I was getting migraines for the first time in my life and had extreme fatigue.  My doctor gave me a prescription for an MRI along with a referral to a neurologist. I scheduled my MRI for an evening so that I wouldn't miss work.  I was working full-time as an attorney and my three children were all under the age of 5 years old.  When I checked in for the MRI, the technician told me that because of the late hour she couldn't give me a CD of the results.  But when the test was done she did give me a CD, which should have been my first clue that something was wrong. By the time I got home, my phone was ringing.  It was the physician on-call for my primary care practice, whom I did not know.  I r...

The Mighty informed me yesterday that it is going to publish my last post, "My Complicated Relationship with LinkedIn."  It's a thrill!  I just started blogging in the last two weeks.  I am writing as a form of therapy, and with the hope that my story will help someone else.  There are so many things that I can't do. But I can write.  Look for me on The Mighty soon!

Every once in a while I check out what's going on at LinkedIn.  I usually end up regretting it.  Not because of the content; I always find a few interesting articles.  I regret it because I see a few job postings that sound interesting.  I start thinking "I could be a good fit for that job".  Then I remember that I can't work.   I haven't been able to work for five years now.  I suffer from a few disabling conditions.  I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS).  I have chronic migraine.  I have a "benign" (meaning non-cancerous, not harmless) brain tumor.  These conditions may all be related.  Or I might just be unlucky. I have spent hours thinking about what kind of job I could do. I always end up with the same conclusion: there is no job that I can do with my limitations.  I endure 2-3 migraines a week, each stealing hours of my day.  I can't work at all on migraine days.  I don't know when the mi...

I'm the mother of 3 wonderful children who both amaze me and drive me crazy.  They at 11, 12 and 15 years old.  Not very young kids, but not yet grown. My dear parents are in their mid-70s.  Old enough to have slowed down a bit, but not so old that they need my help on a regular basis. I'm a lawyer by training, but I've retired my law license.  At 44 years old.   I have several disabling conditions that have prevented me from working for five years now.  But I do plenty of work.  I'm a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. I'm an aspiring writer. I'm Catholic by upbringing, but am (probably) in the process of leaving the Church.  Last month's announcement by the Pope that priests cannot bless same-sex marriages was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  I just don't think I can stay anymore. I've been happily married for 18 years. There are no "buts" when it comes to my marriage.

I can't believe that I'm doing this.  I'm blogging. I'm a pretty private person.  For instance, when I worked at Blockbuster Video in 1995 I was 18 years old and refused to pick my favorite movies for a row of "Jean's Picks".  I simply didn't want people knowing my favorite movies.  At that time, as is true with most teenagers, I was more self-conscious than I am now.   Now I'm going to air out all of my dirty laundry.