My complicated relationship with LinkedIn

Every once in a while I check out what's going on at LinkedIn.  I usually end up regretting it.  Not because of the content; I always find a few interesting articles.  I regret it because I see a few job postings that sound interesting.  I start thinking "I could be a good fit for that job".  Then I remember that I can't work.  

I haven't been able to work for five years now.  I suffer from a few disabling conditions.  I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS).  I have chronic migraine.  I have a "benign" (meaning non-cancerous, not harmless) brain tumor.  These conditions may all be related.  Or I might just be unlucky.

I have spent hours thinking about what kind of job I could do. I always end up with the same conclusion: there is no job that I can do with my limitations.  I endure 2-3 migraines a week, each stealing hours of my day.  I can't work at all on migraine days.  I don't know when the migraines will strike, but I do know that I would miss multiple days of work every week if I had a job.  And I would, of course, be fired.  Additionally, because of POTS, I cannot stand too long and I cannot sit too long.  If I do either, I end up light-headed with a racing heartbeat.  Another thing I cannot do is look at a computer screen for more than 15-20 minutes at a time.  I simply have too many limitations for me to get or keep a job.

I try to look at the positives in my life.  I used to work long hours, but now I have much more time with my husband and children.  I am blessed to get monthly disability insurance payments.  My husband has a job that provides me with great health insurance.  But I still miss work.  I miss the challenges.  I miss the sense of a accomplishment.  I miss working toward short and long-term career goals.  I miss the friendships and the laughter. I let myself be sad about it sometimes.  And then I stay away from LinkedIn for a while.